An exercise in Introspection
Boundaries can be person-centric or situation-centric. Some change, some do not, no matter what.
Rigid: Strict and do not change. Eg, Stay off the grass, Beware of Dog, My shop opens at 10 am.
Porous: Negotiable vis-à-vis situation and person. Eg, Nobody can use my laptop. This will be rigid at the workplace but perhaps your spouse can use it at home. I work fixed timings but when there is a crisis, I will stay for a few hours more.
Healthy: Required for systematic life. Eg, Mealtimes/Bedtimes are followed on weekdays, share the petrol bill if you are pooling your car for work with colleagues.
What are your boundaries? Try filling the following table with respect to a person, say colleague, friend, spouse, inlaws, child or home, work, in-laws’ place etc
Remove rows as applicable, add few more if you feel.
Create multiple sheets for multiple people or places.
You could design your own sheets or modify to suit your individual requirements, if need be.
|Name of Person/Place||Rigid||Porous||Healthy||Present Boundaries||Aspire|
What are some specific actions you can take to improve your boundaries?
How do you think the other person will respond to these changes?
How do you think your life will be different once you’ve established healthy boundaries?
State your personal values or other areas of importance to you. Your emotions, your energy without being defensive. Introspect what you want changed. Share with the relevant person (if required) how this is important to you and the relationship to grow stronger and better.