It has been a week now. Am yet to talk continuously 4 sentences without tiring my voice. The week gone by has been a period of fear, puzzlement and a series of profound life lessons.
My first fear was, cancer? Sounds dramatic, but then a Piscean will understand. Cold, cough and allergies are a frequent occurrence and hence nothing to be alarmed. But when I was unable to speak, it gave me the scare of my life. Going into the OT for an emergency caesarian did not bring this much of fear, maybe because of the anticipation of the little bundle of joy ahead.
Is the ability to speak so very important?
Well, I am not a professional singer. Oh, yeah I am a teacher, a speaker professionally. But I recollect, my career was not my worry either. Then what was the fear?
Initially it was because my ENT doctor was unavailable and two days of no medication. Later it was the fear of if this is irreversible, my Karma catching up and all those self-pity episodes playing out and lastly, my inability and frustration to convey a message. Anxious family members kept sending messages, my classes/projects kept getting rescheduled with the Institutes/Clients waiting for my ‘All is well’ message.
Now that I am halfway back to normalcy and resumed classes from today, a kind of self-introspection set in. I realized and learnt:
1. Appreciate the faculties given to you by birth, a very valuable lesson – Gratitude
2. When you are grown up and think you have everything sorted, understand the meaning of helplessness – Vulnerable moments of Life
3. Listening to that ‘advise’, always so unwelcome has to be endured. Learning that the advise was actually useful..an enlightenment – Humility
4. Things get done if you don’t say it, people in the family make an extra effort and do it – Responsibility shared
5. So many sentences can be expressed in a concise few words; every opinion need not be expressed – Brevity
6. Writing is a good tool and can be improved upon
7. There is no race. To be calm and to slow down is also a good thing.
8. Relationships are strengthened when people around you empathize with your condition – Bonding
9. Observing so many other little things around you, as you don’t have ‘work’ to do (me being in this profession of ‘voice only works’) – Compassion
10. Listen to the birds and sounds of nature, and appreciate, Tranquility and Silence
11. My parents for whom a daily dose of mentoring from me keeps them in good spirits – Sad and lost
12. Discussions on current affairs, with the daily night news on TV – my partner missed my take!
Lastly, the fun part, students who initially celebrated ‘no Surya ma’m classes’ started missing me: messages poured in, asking me to get well soon and come back!!
It has been a wake up call, for sure. All those projects I had procrastinated upon got revived. So many of my friends have told me to write a book on the lines of the Chicken Soup Series, a cousin has badgered me to complete the cookery book I started long ago, my parents have always wanted me to continue my singing and veena talents, my body is craving to get back to sports and exercising, my inner voice is urging me to do all those good deeds that I always wanted to do for society, that spark in me that has a million ideas everyday…go, explore all of them, do all of them.
Maybe I can even hear God more clearly when I am quiet, hear and see him in so many manifestations in/around me, within everyone and everything around me. No more metaphors.
My voice is dying to shout out to the world..go, do something!!